IMG_1841My Husband recently humbly bestowed a revelation to me, I am a tease. Hold on before you start getting weirdly uncomfortable, I AIN’T talking about THAT, especially not on the Internet where it can one day be read by my horrified adult children.

I’m a Mom Friend Tease.

I do so desperately want some Mom friends, heck I’ll take one Mom friend {{I’m not greedy.}} ya know, that Mom friend that you can totally feel completely comfortable saying, “I don’t like my kids today”, or the occasional but NEVER serious, “I wanna punch them in the face.” without worrying they’ve got CPS on speed dial. Honestly I do, but honestly I’m exhausted. I don’t have the time nor energy to do the Mom dating scene. The  Hubs was all “Stef, you complain you want a Mom friend but when the opportunity to meet one comes around, you back out. You know what you are? A tease. A Mom Friend Tease.”  Bombshell. Of course I started to list all the reasons why it just wouldn’t work out between potential new Mom Friend and I, and the reasons why it wasn’t good timing. Hubs jokingly suggested I put out a Craigslist Ad in search of a possible Mom Friend match, I almost took his suggestion and ran with it but decided against it.{{To many creepers on Craigslist and I’m almost positive it would end with a slew of scammers calling..or perverted weirdos.}} SO! In a last ditch effort to enjoy the benefit of friendship from a fellow Mommer, I’m going to describe my momming ways to find a potential match.

I’m most definitely NOT a Granola Mom{{a mom who makes everything from scratch and organic, all the way from the baby food to the family’s toilet paper.}} The only “granola” I have in me is from the highly processed Chewy Granola bar I ate and no I did not recycle the wrapper.

I’m absolutely NOT a Hot Mess Mom{{a mom who flies by the seat of her pants, often forgetting the basic necessities for everyday life with a toddler.}} I was once this Mom but after getting the rhythm of the Littles Life Song, I got my crap together because it was less stressful having everything on hand, so rather than having momentary bliss online shopping, I would gather my weapons to fight the next day’s battle.

I’m more of a..oh..how would one describe it..Lax maybe?! I’m the Mom that loves her children fiercely but also is NOT going to cater to their every desire. I’m fine with my kids eating a cupcake with buttercream icing as soon as they wake up. That icing there, it’s a dairy product and that cupcake has the same ingredients as a muffin.{{Hold up Trish, before you dial that number, I ALWAYS follow that cupcake up with some actual breakfast..unless it’s the weekend, then I’m on a kitchen hiatus.}} I’m the Mom that unless there’s blood, don’t come to me all dramatic. Acting as if you just stepped on a land mine, when in fact it was a sticker. {{Dry it up, pull it out. Do you want me to cut you’re foot off?!}} My kids don’t come to me asking for something to drink, not even my 2 year old. They all know where the cups are and are very capable of fixing their own drinks. I am the sarcastic mom, my kids are less gullible because of it. EX: I once told my kids that the tankers carrying Milk were headed to the Zoo to feed the baby elephants. Hence, my kids almost always question me after I tell them something, but they are getting better at figuring out whats total malarkey and when I’m serious. I am the mom when my kid drops a sucker, I pick it up real quick and blow/dust it off and hand it back to them. Eh, just building up that immune system.{{Seriously though before you get all judgy Trish, I bet your kid eats his/her boogers when you aren’t looking.}} My reasoning behind being the Lax Mom is because I cannot be my children’s whole lives, I cannot be their Sun and Moon, the thing their lives revolve around because one day I won’t be here. I pray thats a long time from now but its the truth, so I’m raising them to be productive children who will, in return, be productive adults. I’m also going this route of parenting for myself, because just like I won’t be here one day, neither will they. I pray not in the same sense but in the lighter one, they will move out, get jobs, have their own friends, and hopefully eventually have their own families. I can’t make my whole life about them because when they are gone, I’ll just be a shell of Stephanie. Thats not fair to myself or to my husband.

So wrapping this up, if you think you and I would mesh well then by all means shoot me a message, but heads up I’m not avoiding you I’ve just got to find the time, I may just invite you over to my house and we can just let the Littles run wild. FYI: I don’t like a Mom Friend that talks nicer to my kids then me, like don’t be rude or mean but don’t be all, “Oh, Sweetie you shouldn’t do that, come out of the road please.” you gotta be like, “Girl! You better get cho butt back in this yard! You see all these trees, there’s spanking sticks everywhere, you’re Momma gonna get cho!” Also, I’d prefer if you have some other interests besides momming because we can only talk about explosive diapers and eye rolling toddler moments for so long. Who am I kidding, I have no other hobbies either!