Divergent Beauty.

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Today the Hubs and I carried our littles to a Fall Festival put on by the public park in our county. This park is every bit of BEAUTIFUL. Gigantic, lush pine trees, calming river slew,  playground thats filled to the brim with wide-eyed littles, picnic tables occupied by gleeful families enjoying some of the delectable delicacies provided by the different food vendors, games for the littles to play and win fall themed treats, pony rides, and even a pumpkin patch!

Needless to say we had a successful family outing, void of any meltdowns.{{Impressive I know, I couldn’t believe it either.}} I managed a few pics of the littles in their matching embroidered shirts, trying desperately to get them before they were utterly ruined by ketchup and some unidentifiable black smudge.{{Please don’t be dog crap..there were dogs in attendance as well.}} I’m not the “selfie” type, for the most part I try to steer clear of the camera, focusing my lens on my ever-changing littles, trying to capture every smirk, every mischievous gleam in their eye, every facial expression as they squeal with delight because I know all to well how quick time is passing.

But today a fellow Momma caught a photo of an unsuspecting me helping my son maneuver the see-saw, just an ordinary moment, no fore warning, no preparedness, no redo if the shot was foggy, no special lights, no fancy camera, just a quick snap of the camera on her phone.{{I’m assuming it was her phone because I didn’t see a camera around her neck.}} Our littles were playing on the see-saw together and after Hollis attempted a premature dismount that was the end of their playtime, she went her way and we went ours, I don’t recall running into her again after that.

Our crew was finishing up when the rain blew in reminding us of the Tropical Storm heading our way so we preceded onto the parking lot to unload the stroller full of balloons and goodies and load everyone up and head home to come off the high the fun filled morning had brought us.

After arriving home and toting everything and every sleepy eyed little inside, I got on FB to try to post some of those photos I had snapped that morning, but of course the notification was lit up, and I proceeded to check the notification.

GROAN..my eyes quickly jump from my chin, to my arm, to my belly. Thoughts that flood my mind; I have got to extend my workouts longer than an hour, increase my reps, let the littles eat all the double stuffed Oreos and NEVER buy them again.{{I have no self control when it comes to Oreos, the first step to recovery is admission right?!}} When was the last time I ran a brush through my hair? That shirt must be burned for the treason it has committed against me. I should’ve slapped at least a tinted moisturizer on, my color is horrible. STOP.

Literally I have to tell myself to STOP.

I believe all women have this problem to a certain extent, some more so than others. Even the most beautiful, attractive, adored women in this world have some type of self consciousness. Even before child bearing I was self conscious about my body.{{Looking back now I was so silly.}} So I know it’s not just mothers who have it.

SO HOW DO WE COMBAT IT?!

I showed my husband the picture and he just shrugged his shoulders and said, “Y’all look like ya’ll are having fun.” I replied, “I wish I could see my body the way you do.”

Lightbulb.

I’m going to attempt to quiet the negativity inside by trying to see myself the way my children and husband see me. A divergent beauty from the one I previously adorned…

My arms are strong as they hold my littles as they drift off to sleep, no fear that they will be dropped. My arms are soft to the touch as they wrap around my husband’s neck as I pull him in for a kiss. My belly is soft for my littles to lay on as a substitute pillow as we lounge on the couch, binging on Disney movies. My belly is what safely carried and protected my Husbands pride and joys, he appreciates all it’s stretch marks, because without it his livelihood would not exist. My chin is the tender part where my littles often plant their kisses because they are in a hurry out the door to their next adventure. My chin is where my husband tenderly pulls me in to steal a kiss in the middle of the day before he too runs off on the next concrete adventure. My hair is exactly how my husband likes it, long and free. My hair tickles my littles as I lean over them, teaching them new lessons, or when I’m changing a diaper. My color matches my littles complexions almost perfectly, and I find their complexions flawless.

The beauty that my littles see through pure eyes, not influenced by what the magazines deem as beautiful. The beauty that my husband witnesses daily through loving eyes, beauty he consistently reminds me of and tries to convince me that I possess when I pull away from an embrace that seems to envelope me right at my unforgiving waistline or when I tense up when the he rests his hand on my not so slender thigh. The war is not won in one battle, but I have a new arsenal on my side to combat any future battles, it’s up to me whether or not I choose to use them.

 

**Special thanks to the Momma who caught this pic, you caught a pic of my little and I which I’m sure he will appreciate one day and you also unknowingly lead me down a rabbit hole where I found a new sense of strength. I owe you one;)

 

 

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