Beachin’ With Kiddos 101

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It’s FINALLY summertime! Well…it at least somewhat resembles it. Naturally when a solid work week of sunshine blinds your eyes one cannot help but to fantasize about toes wriggling in the sand, sun rays warming your bare skin, warm salty air breezes whipping your hair, the smell of coconut tanning oil, and fresh yummy gulf seafood! Add to that recipe the fact that your older sister recently made a move down to the gulf and SnapChat streaks and text messages aren’t the same as talking face to face, you end up cooking up an idea to load up your kiddos plus one extra and your other sister and striking out…

I had it all planned out..I’m an ol’ pro at this whole dealing with kiddos remember..

*SIGH

Alas, nothing EVER plays out like the scenes you have in mind ESPECIALLY when dealing with littles! {KINGS/QUEENS of improv}

Charged tablets the whole day so the kids could play quietly for the duration of the {3h 20m} ride, packed bug juices so the kids wouldn’t spill drinks all over my BRAND SPANKING NEW Expedition {not including that for bragging purposes including it for whats to come<insert silent scream>}, packed the littles bags so nothing would be forgotten and all bases would be covered, loaded up the baby’s playpen, bought 2 boogie boards and 5 pail and shovel sets {so everyone would have something to play with}, ordered a round of chicken tenders and fries {besides pizza this is understandably the most universal delicacy for littles}, and for breakfast nothing seemed simpler/smarter than a breakfast buffet…RIGHT?! {Ol’ Girl seems like she’s got it all together}

WRONG.

SO, SO WRONG! Let’s go through a crash course in Beachin’ With Kiddos 101..

Kids don’t care about tablets when they are headed to the beach, they want to ask a KADRILLION questions about the beach all while annoying their neighbor. Questions like, “Are there alligators at the beach?”, “If we catch a seagull can we keep it?”, “If we catch a crab can we keep it?”, “How far out can we go in the ocean?” and the list goes on and on and on..Bug juices when squeezed double as water guns to soak your sister. Clothes that you pack they will not like, it doesn’t matter if it’s their favorite outfit of all time at home, different zip codes call for different favorites. Baby will not sleep in playpen; baby will actually not sleep AT ALL resulting in her being ill and you being sleep deprived at the beach..in the hot sun..fighting waves..sinking in the sand..resembling an episode of Baywatch more than Laguna Beach. Littles will only open 3 pail and shovel sets, play with them about 2.16 minutes and proceed to fight over the boogie boards. Chicken is NOT a universal delicacy, apparently tastebuds also change with zip codes. Breakfast buffets are a horrible idea; they won’t eat enough to cover the cost. Baby prefers to eat sand anyways. You won’t have an even tan, you won’t have tan lines from your swimsuit, you will have tan lines following the outline of your baby on your hip because she’s ill from lack of sleep.

Then there’s the ride home…..

<insert hair-pulling>

<insert gagging>

You’d think their energy levels would be zapped from the sun and they would sleep the whole way home, or at least partially. Nope. Baby is gonna scream the whole way and the toddler is gonna choke on his draining sinuses causing him to projectile vomit all over himself and your brand spanking new Expedition.

But believe it or not I’d do it all over again because the vomit smell and sand will be cleaned out by the car detailers, the odd tan lines will fade, and even though the sandcastles and footprints have washed away; the memories of playing in the waves, dance parties on the beach, and giggles while creating “dragon breath” will last forever..

So throw that list away, go ahead and schedule your detailor, load your littles up, and go make some memories!

 

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