To The Newly-Wed Husband..

img_1636I want to start by offering a heartfelt, “Congratulations!” Marriage is rewarding, but it’s also work. Don’t be disheartened, I’m going to impart some wisdom that when trying times arise, instead of frustration, there’ll be fondness directed towards your wife. Remember, where you need respect, she needs LOVE. I pray these words will be glorifying to God and your mind will file them away: pulling them out as needed. Whether you’ve been together 1 year prior to your marriage or 22 years (true story: my aunt is the epitome of patient.), it’s never too late to put these to practice.

Husband, your wife possesses something that drew you near, figure out what it is and tell her often. She needs continual reassurance.

Husband, if the Lord blesses you with children, be patient and compassionate towards your wife: she’s new to parenting also. Pregnancy changes the brain, seriously science has proven it. Don’t fret, you’re not losing the woman you love, think of it as getting the most recent update: she’ll be able to do amazing things such as anticipating and meeting a need before it was requested, multitask like a superhuman, and have reflexes that will save your mini me when he falls off the bed almost cracking his head on the floor.

Oh, dear Husband, one of the most important: though she be fierce, hold and speak to her as if she’s fragile. This world is so heavy on the shoulders of a woman. Her mind’s eye glued to the continual streaming of expectations laid on her by social media and cultural norms. Be her soft place to land.

Husband, show her your love using your strong hands and wit to remove some of the burden: handle dinner once or twice a week, distract the kids so she can take a bath alone, fill her gas tank up, and when you sense she’s tense as she stands over a mound of laundry or dishes, gently rub her shoulders and kiss her neck: continue until her tension melts away.

Listen to her. Let her air her frustrations. DO NOT TRY TO SOLVE IT! Women usually talk through their problems until they reach a solution, that’s why women often speak to themselves aloud. We’re not crazy, we’re different. Unless she asks for your opinion or advice, don’t give it. If you can see the solution to the problem and she doesn’t seem like she’s getting warmer, wait until the fire has died down a bit and then, in a humble tone (never matter of factly), share it.

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT FORGET A SPECIAL OCCASION…EVER. NEVER EVER! If you have a wife who says she doesn’t care, she does, she may not care for gifts but she does swoon over simple acknowledgement. Figure out your wife’s love language and apply it in abundance.

Encourage her to do hobbies she enjoys, go to lunch with a friend, and pick a date night twice a month (or more) don’t allow the world and it’s lengthy to-do list exhaust your wife until she’s just a robot fulfilling commands.

Love your children profoundly and loudly. She’ll fall in love with you over and over again during tender moments and with every giggle.

Want to defuse an argument: wrap her up in a hug and kiss her on the forehead.

Lastly, but most importantly, lead her. Lead your family. Pray with her and for her, let her hear it. God designed it that way. Relieve her of the worry of manifesting in your children a love for God and all things righteous: declaring it and sticking to it no matter the circumstances. You’ll learn all to soon how Satan offers excuses.

You two are bound together for life, make it a good one.

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