I don’t like it when I think something ugly. I usually tuck it far back into the recesses of my mind and try VERY hard not to think about it again, much less admit it to any human being. Fears of how others may perceive me as less Christ-like for thinking such thoughts or feeling a certain way, terrifies me. The last thing I want to do is make it difficult for The Lord to use me, and if I announce a fault, surely that would be the nail in the coffin of my witness to others. In the voice of Maury: The Spirit determined…That was a lie.
So I’m gonna show you my ugly. My unattractive. My not-so Christ-likeness.
I have a friend who I love dearly. She’s an AMAZING woman, momma, and writer. She has worked so. dang. hard. She has put in the countless hours of writing and submitting her articles to various entities. She has poured into her blog and has poured out herself onto the pages. She has endured criticism and praise in such a graceful way. I’m hecka proud of her. Proud to say she’s my friend, and not just because she’s so successful, but because I see her flourishing in her faith. I see her pursuing God. I see God using her to reach the unreachable. I see the wheels grinding in her mind at the different attributes of God. I see that she KNOWS her success is not based on her, but on God using her. She gives Him all the glory and openly shares the things she has done, under God’s direction, to reach such success.
And this morning I saw where she received an awesome gift from some FAMOUS people.
I was OVERJOYED. I commented on her post. I was ecstatic for her….
Then comparison crept in and envy began to sprout. I began to wonder why God hadn’t used me in such a way. I began to think about how to schedule more time to work on my own blog. I began to imagine how exciting it would be to receive my own box.
I stopped myself. I asked forgiveness and for God to help me to be content in the season I am in. To find the beauty in the present. To be excited with the path that I’m on. I told my husband about my distasteful thoughts. Then I began my morning routine of devotionals and Scripture.
God met me there.
I have three different devotionals and a stack of prayer cards I read each morning. Each of them touched on the issue of discontentment. Coincidence? I think not.
The first was about over planning. Trying to lean into my own understanding of time frames instead of trusting His.
The second was about dreams. Distancing myself from God in pursuit of my own wants rather than drawing near to Him to allow Him to place AND bring to fruition HIS desires.
The third was about being adored. God adores me. He loves me. He has plans just. for. me…Just as He has plans for my friend. Just as He has plans for YOU.
And lastly, my stack of prayer cards. The one I pulled for today read:
He has made everything beautiful in its time.-ECC. 3:11
I heard the Spirit whisper into my heart, “God has something good for you.“
Afterwards, I admitted it shamefully to my girlfriends over Marco Polo and one after one, each of them shared their uglies. Then I realized, everyone struggles with comparison and covetousness. We covet houses, jobs, marriages, relationships, ministries, bodies. If your eye can see it, it has been coveted by someone. So today I felt conviction over the sin of comparison but I found comfort in the promise…
God has something good for you.